I’m not sure if it was all the carbs I had for dinner last night, or the giant animal that was inside the wall behind my headboard, but I’m exhausted. I woke up at 3 in the morning with the carbo-sweats (which if you eat a low glycemic diet then you know what I’m talking about. It’s the aftermath of a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk.)
At first I thought Chandler was just playing with a toy (and not a giant cockroach, which I force myself to forget that she plays with those. At night. When I’m asleep. And brings them into the bedroom. Which is frighteningly close to the bed.) So, having convinced myself that it was kitty with kitty toy I threw off the covers (carbo-sweats, remember?) and went back to sleep.
Not five minutes later I woke up to the sound of Chandler playing with her toy, up in the same wall, but way above my head. No matter how hard I tried I just was unable to convince myself that it was said kitty with said toy. Nope, it was a varmint, and not of the feline persuasion (I counted them. Cleocatra, Chandler, and Snowball Jr. who was wandering outside in the courtyard trying to look in the low windows to find Cleo & Chandler. Which makes me wonder why The Ball (that’s what he likes to be called, because hey, he’s street feline) hadn’t caught the varmint BEFORE it got inside my walls). So I did the obvious, I went to use the bathroom which happens to share the same wall. By this time the creature was up in the attic and banging on the pipes. Literally. I’ve told you a million times that I don’t exaggerate. Anywho.
I had three choices: a) go back to bed and dream of blueberries in Technicolor. b) go to the room furthest away and sleep on a loveseat. c) go up in the attic and see how big the vicious creature actually was and perhaps scare it away. (Actually there is a secret option d. which is call Laurie because she would understand, y’all know, the attack of the creatures!)
I attempted to sleep on the loveseat in the media room, which is a fancy word for the old garage that the previous owners put blue indoor/outdoor carpeting in so they could list the house as a three bedroom. It also houses my craft room and the laundry room with the kitty pan. I won’t tell you what I dreamt about in there - and yes, it was in Technicolor.
To make a long story even longer, my neck hurts, I’m exhausted and instead of working on The Blob this morning I get to go shopping for rat traps. Rat traps. I’ll say it again. Rat traps.
“Excuse me, hi, I want to trap a rat that is banging on pipes in my attic, but I want a live trap because no, I don’t want to kill it. I’m going to release it by the bayou up yonder. …it’s not polite to laugh at customers….”
The Dude at 3am - not pretty